PHASES OF DELUSION

WORDS & IMAGES: AHDREAM SMITH

ALLURE

Scents of fresh dough dance in my nostrils

Thoughts of the drizzled glaze slip covering her curves excite my imagination

Golden brown exterior

Soft and fluffy interior

Hot and fresh

GUILT

Doctor says she's not good for me

She's impacting my heart

Raising my blood pressure

I need to cut back

I try to explain that I don't indulge on purpose

I start with one

It melting on the tongue like a frozen ice cube on a hot summer day

Three seconds later, nine of the dozen are remaining

DENIAL

Doctor tells me if I keep messing with her I could lose my vision

Lose my limbs

Lose my life

Says I'm walking a thin line and a future of diabetes and medications are around the corner

Doc, I'm young, I don't smoke or drink

What's a little quality time here and there

Plus, we only meet when the RED LIGHT is on

 

In the “Diabetes Belt,” specifically in Memphis, TN, Krispy Kreme is King. Reaching young people early through promotional discounts throughout the school year: free doughnuts to students for every “A” that they get on their report card. Always go when the light was on. Your doughnuts were guaranteed to be HOT and FRESH. Being a pretty smart kid in school, report card time was always a time that I looked forward to.  

 

Fast forward, I now live in a place that has only one Krispy Kreme in the region and I have family and friends dealing with diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol due to their environment and being in a state of delusion regarding their health. To them, it’s just something else to deal with, but for me I feel like they are one step closer to death. Choosing the temporary satisfaction of the “red light” quick fix, that soothing cold cup of southern sweet tea, them sweet and tangy sodium filled short ribs over being here with me; creating memories and having experiences. 

Kate Weiner

“It’s risky, though, to love the world, in a time of climate peril. Your heart could get broken. The places and beings we cherish are evaporating before our eyes. If we’re paying attention, we also feel afraid and helpless in the face of the onslaught. But the plant teachers remind us that often the cure grows near to the cause. The cause for the fear and the pain of loss is the love we bear for the land. And love, we know, is the cure for loss, the antidote to fear. Love is the medicine when it changes us, and we change the world.” Robin Wall Kimmerer. Beautiful photo by the gifted @elijahstvns from the very first print issue of Loam.
Feeling pretty juicy in my @moonspun_jewelry hammered gold bracelet (and grateful for Moonspun maker Katherine for going the extra mile to repair this already treasured talisman of mine today)! Showing up for the world in beauty is one way I choose to honor this earth. Share yours!
"Eating is how we move among elements. We live in carbon as we live in flesh and love and place. Eating defines how we depend on the Earth." Beautiful essay on carbon farming, soil regeneration, and nurturing integrative agroecology by @madagriculture from the upcoming issue of Loam: Reawakening Resilience. Visit the link in the bio to pre-order your print copy today. We have just 2 weeks left until Loam goes to press & our run is limited. So excited to share this luscious issue with our community! With thanks to @bcfm for such a bodacious farmers’ market haul.
Truly enjoyed diving deep into the latest issue of @emergencemagazine last night. This visually rich exploration of wildness speaks so beautifully to the multiplicity of our world as well as to the relationship between fear & awe & loss & regeneration. Visit @emergencemagazine to subscribe to this free digital mag. Photo by Bret Edge.
Still feels a little surreal that Loam: Reawakening Resilience is going to press in 2 weeks! We print in very limited runs so if you would like to guarantee a copy—beautifully designed by @giorgiasage—pre-order yours thru the link in the bio. From a reflection on carbon farming by @madagriculture to a poignant essay on mothering in the anthropocene by @harnessyourbreath to a succulent recipe for nourishing khichdi from @sanajaverikadri of @diasporaco, the stories that interweave & intersect throughout this issue have affirmed for me the power of the people to nurture a better & beautiful world. I hope this issue will inspire you to reflect, dream, create, cook, give, and grow, and I am so very excited to share it with you all. The artists and activists who have contributed to this magazine have truly seeded something magical. 📷@lvdudek whose stunning snapshots fill this issue of Loam.
One of the most potent antidotes I know for climate despair is to be in beauty. I feel SO grateful that I was able to spend this weekend hiking to jewel-bright lakes & breathing in cool mountain morning air & dipping my bare feet into rippling creek water. It reminded me why I work so hard to pursue my passion projects, to heal this planet, and to love my people. But you don’t have to go far to find beauty. The fat moon hanging over the rooftop. The sound of crickets singing to a summer night. Every time I go in search of beauty, I am reminded of just how much beauty grows right where I am. Thankful for it all.