PHASES OF DELUSION

WORDS & IMAGES: AHDREAM SMITH

ALLURE

Scents of fresh dough dance in my nostrils

Thoughts of the drizzled glaze slip covering her curves excite my imagination

Golden brown exterior

Soft and fluffy interior

Hot and fresh

GUILT

Doctor says she's not good for me

She's impacting my heart

Raising my blood pressure

I need to cut back

I try to explain that I don't indulge on purpose

I start with one

It melting on the tongue like a frozen ice cube on a hot summer day

Three seconds later, nine of the dozen are remaining

DENIAL

Doctor tells me if I keep messing with her I could lose my vision

Lose my limbs

Lose my life

Says I'm walking a thin line and a future of diabetes and medications are around the corner

Doc, I'm young, I don't smoke or drink

What's a little quality time here and there

Plus, we only meet when the RED LIGHT is on

 

In the “Diabetes Belt,” specifically in Memphis, TN, Krispy Kreme is King. Reaching young people early through promotional discounts throughout the school year: free doughnuts to students for every “A” that they get on their report card. Always go when the light was on. Your doughnuts were guaranteed to be HOT and FRESH. Being a pretty smart kid in school, report card time was always a time that I looked forward to.  

 

Fast forward, I now live in a place that has only one Krispy Kreme in the region and I have family and friends dealing with diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol due to their environment and being in a state of delusion regarding their health. To them, it’s just something else to deal with, but for me I feel like they are one step closer to death. Choosing the temporary satisfaction of the “red light” quick fix, that soothing cold cup of southern sweet tea, them sweet and tangy sodium filled short ribs over being here with me; creating memories and having experiences. 

Kate Weiner

Especially inspired today by the rad @dominiquedrakeford of @melaninass whose fearless advocacy for intersectional activism is desperately needed within the multifaceted environmental movement. I first learned about Dominique thanks to @zerowastehabesha and have since had the opportunity to interview her for Loam (visit Loam online for the full interview—it's a must-read). Her recent posts on confronting privilege have really resonated with me. As Dominique shares, pointing the finger at someone isn't the same as giving them the finger. We can hold one another accountable with compassion; we can honor our anger, our fear, and our frustration. And we can make the space for uncomfortable conversations in the knowledge that doing so strengthens our environmental network and nourishes the seeds for a liveable future. Follow Dominique's journey for stories of sustainability, social justice, and style. 📷@timothy_smith_
Nourishing conversation with an old friend this morning over spiced cacao with chaga mushroom & plant-based sweets (because sometimes you gotta treat yourself to absurdly intricate elixirs and lovely little gems)! We talked about the necessity of finding joy in our work by paying attention to those experiences that light our soul on fire and carving out space everyday for sweet moments that fill us up. For my friend, the environment he is in is integral to the work he does. He craves a creative and collaborate space and thrives from being around folks who take a holistic approach to social entrepreneurship. Listening to him talk about his passion for building physical spaces that inspire & illuminate affirmed for me how important it is to commit ourselves to paths that bring us joy AND purpose. That's part of why I'm so inspired by friends like @zerowastehabesha @twohandsfull_ @harnessyourbreath @bezerodenver and @_erica_neal_ –their work is about process, beauty in the everyday, and embodied activism. I've been navigating new work opportunities these last few months, searching for a project that will have tangible environmental impact, and it always helps me to remember that whatever nourishes me also has the power to nourish others—my friends' diverse body of work is proof of that! I'm trying to focus less on outcome and more on process, trusting that change happens when we follow what makes us come alive. It's an ongoing conversation but one I'm so grateful to be having with the Loam community. Here's to delicious moments of joy, and finding purpose in the unexpected, and giving thanks to the amazing friends who show us new ways to live (and are always down for a donut...)
Restored after a gorgeous trip to Sequoia National Park this week & energized for my upcoming Loam workshop @welcomehome.studio on cultivating resiliency with @jessdee of Be Zero (click the link in the bio for details!) Time spent in the wilderness always affirms for me the kind of world I want to live in and deepens my resolve to do everything I can to get us there. During this workshop, Jess and I will share strategies for strengthening our resiliency thru everyday practices, swap stories on building the world we need right now, and guide a self-care DIY—because you can't give generously if you're not first filled up. Would so love to see all our NYC loamy loves there—the opportunity to gather together in person is so vital right now and I'm hopeful connecting with our community will help us nourish the resiliency we need to accelerate climate action, spark social change, and heal our wildly precious planet.
So grateful to be spending time in Sequoia National Park this weekend with my big bro. To be surrounded by loved ones feels so vital right now. Hoping wherever you are you take time to be with family, be it parents or close friends or the trees.
Journaling has been a real gift these last few weeks. And given the heartbreak that I know many of us are wrestling with, I feel especially grateful for a writing exercise my mama introduced me to. It's very simple. Just cozy up somewhere beautiful—a sweet nook in your home, maybe, or a quiet patch outside—and write down sixty moments of exquisite joy that you've experienced in the last year. Moments when you laughed so hard it hurt, moments when you felt alive and in love, moments when you were humbled by the stars, satiated by a succulent meal. Moments when you didn't think once of checking your phone or what time it was. Archive these moments so that whenever you are despairing, you can return to tangible proof that even in spite of a changing climate, joy is always ours to have. And this joy isn't just for our sake. Remembering it & reveling in it gives us the fuel to continue to fight for the world we want (and hell, the world we need).
Boulder babes! Join me and Andrea @bezerowastegirl for our grocery store tour next Thursday (check out Be Zero for the details). During this educational tour, we'll share strategies for shopping low-waste, saving money, buying in bulk, and identifying your true wants & needs. Navigating the grocery store when you're living trash-light can be intimidating at first. But with a little know-how, buying groceries that reflect your values can be affordable & accessible. And if you can't make it to Colorado, be sure to check out Loam online for juicy tips on eco eating. How we eat really is how we vote for the kind of world we want!